I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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