You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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