she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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