Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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