The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
