also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
