just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
