i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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