I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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