my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize