you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
