Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
