I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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