I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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