even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
