Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You are a genius and a whore.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
