I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
