First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
