Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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