remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
