Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
