Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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