You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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