Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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