Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
