My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
