I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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