Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
