I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
not ubering you a puppy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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