you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
