Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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