If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
