i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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