Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
