I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize