3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
