If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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