Can Purell be used as lube?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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