haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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