Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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