Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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