i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
