Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
whose parrot is this?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
