Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
