My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
