Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
