I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
