It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.