just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.