I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"