She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
