how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.