What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
