Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
