We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
