the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
