gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
