She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
