wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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