i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
