somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
