she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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