dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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