ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
