I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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