Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
