I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What a dumb baby whore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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