i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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