obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
