Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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