I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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